I DON’T HAVE A PASSION ~ IS THAT OKAY?

Since I decided to write a blog and start Our Daily Grateful Post, I have been listening, on YouTube, to all sorts of inspirational videos.  I have listened to Louise Hay, Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, Joel Osteen, Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, and the list goes on.  Each talking about how to be successful in life, live your dream, how you attract what you think, be positive and so on.

I often hear the question ‘What is your passion’?  I have given it a lot of thought and I don’t think I have anything that I am passionate about.  I like my blog, I like to write posts, poems and songs, I like to organize things, but am I passionate about any of them, I don’t think so.

So of course now I’m worried.  Uh-oh, I don’t have anything I’m passionate about.  How do I know what I should be doing with my life if I’m not passionate about something?  What is my goal?  Well in all honesty, my goal is to stay home.  I love my home, I have just moved here a little less than two years ago and I absolutely love living here.  I was living on a very busy street, sirens, trucks, motorcycles, cars, dogs barking…you name it and there was a constant sound of something.  Not to mention my house was broken into three times.  Now I live on a very safe, quiet, dead-end street and all I hear are birds, it’s fabulous!

Not long after my move here my job changed drastically.  My assistant retired, her replacement, a wonderful person, has had passionnumerous health issues and has only worked half of the time required, which has been a nightmare for me.  We also took on some new business which ended becoming my responsibility.  It’s been a year and a half since my job became awful!  I hate going to work everyday and with loving my home so much, it makes it even harder to leave each morning.

I have become one big ball of anxiety, day in and day out.  I’ve been trying to start each day in a positive way, ‘something wonderful is going to happen today‘, ‘today’s going to be a great day’, ‘thank you God for your blessings and favors today’ but not long after I arrive at my desk I’m overwhelmed and in tears.  I have to do something.  I’ve been looking online for jobs, but what do I want to do?  Do I want to continue in the same field I’ve been in for 35 years or do I want to find out what my passion is so I can do that and LOVE going to work each day?  Hence my journey to figure out just what my passion is!

After reading that definition, I wonder if maybe I love my job after all!  😉

In all honesty, my passion is to stay home.  I’m tired, I want to rest, I need time off, time to renew and rejuvenate.  Perhaps a year off would be helpful, then maybe I could join the workforce again and enjoy it once more.  Doing what though?  That thought permeates my mind.  What do I do?  I cannot afford to take a year off, so as wonderful as that sounds, it won’t happen.   If I do leave my current job they would need at least a 6 months notice, since I’m the wearer of all hats and it’s a small business, two weeks would just not be sufficient.

I have been playing the lottery on a more regular basis, since I see that as my only way out.

Back to my original thought…I don’t seem to have anything that I am really passionate about and I find myself asking…is that okay?  Have I listened to too many self-help books, uplifting stories, go live your dream, be successful, make a plan?  Have I been so uplifted and inspired that it has depressed me because I’m not living up to my (their) expectations?  I truly think so.

I shall continue to ponder this and figure out my next steps.  I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, please, tell me…are you passionate about something?  If so, are you doing what you are passionate about?

xo

(c) onceuponahotflash, 2016

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

24 thoughts on “I DON’T HAVE A PASSION ~ IS THAT OKAY?

  1. I wrote a new job description a bit over a week ago for a part time job. I only have 5 1/2 years till I retire at 67 so I want something that feeds my Spirit most of all. I have been quite specific about hours, location, work colleagues etc so watch this space.
    I think once you have made the decision to leave your current job you will have wee signposts for the next stage of your journey.
    I hope that helps a little. It took me a year to retire from my old way of life, in little bite size pieces.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You seem to be very important to this business that you work for. I would think that if you talk to them they might be able to help you make your job more tolerable and pleasant for you. And, Maybe you should take some R&R time off and get completely away for a time so you can rejuvenate.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am, I’m the comptroller and so many other things, human resources, maintenance person, IT person, over the years everything has fallen into my lap because I get it done, but I have finally overflowed and cracked!! I know PJ we have talked and we are trying to figure something out, but in the meantime I still have to show up every day…I’m on vacation next week and am so looking forward to that, but I just cringe at the idea of being there 8 more years. I will think of something. Thank you for caring!! 😊

      Like

    • I’m so glad that you are on vacation next week! I hope you and your employers can work something out so your job is more of a pleasure than a burden. You have too much on your lap, Deb. One person can’t handle all that work.

      Like

  3. I can understand your pain. I survived 4 layoffs and retired at 67. My suggestion is to take it one day at a time. You can’t let a job rule your life and especially interfere with your health. Think of what you are going thru now is making you a stronger person.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Eugenia, I appreciate your kind words. I do try to take it a day at a time and I always leave the house with a positive attitude and then I arrive at work…but you are right I can’t let it rule my life and I have been for over a year now. Congratulations on your retirement, I hope you are enjoying every day of it!! 🙂

      Like

  4. I hope you can take sometime off soon. A sabbatical of somekind is not unheard of, whether it’s 6 months or a year. I think you discover your passions along the way. Either that or think back to what you loved doing as child or when you were younger, often that helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Mandi!! When I was a child I wanted to be either a Professional Ice Skater or a Movie Actress!! So I guess some sort of entertainment is in my makeup, which would explain my wanting a blog! So perhaps I’m on the right path and don’t realize it!! I wish I could take 6 months off but it’s a small company of 12 people and I’m the financial person, among other things, so it would be impossible. However I am taking next week off and then 2 weeks at the end of August, right before our busy season begins so I am looking forward to that! Thanking you for thoughtfulness, you’re very sweet!! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Your very welcome. Enjoy your vacation 🙂

      Like

  5. Deb, I like your posts, and they do offer encouragement. You might well be right, however, that these authors can give us unrealistic expectations. We get up, expect a better day, look for a better day, and in the end someone sticks a pin in our balloon. After so many times we begin to doubt.
    My passion was photography. On vacation I carried 17 pounds of camera gear. Now I sit on 17 pounds of titanium in the form of my everpresent wheelchair. My camera weighs 1 pound, and it seems heavy. I all but quit.
    A few months ago, in a moment of inspiration, I decided to give it a go again. In trying to re-define my work I’m learning that what I did is still what I do best. Give me a wide angle lens, a portrait lens, and watch me create. Now the issue comes, can I actually do this? Can I access subjects?
    Can you do this? Can you find work you love again or again love the work you have now. Can you step (or roll) back and try again? Can you find a wide angle lens and a subject?
    My wife and I wish you well.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much George for such a poignant response. You ask great questions, ones I will think about to find my answer. Right now I feel really tired of trying. I wish I could just shut down for a while but I don’t have that luxury. That’s why I post something to be grateful for everyday because I feel that there are so many great things that I can be thankful for and should be thankful for. The problem is, I have to go in there every day and spend 8 hours a day being there. I feel so trapped, that’s why I listen to all these self-help books. The answer must be within the books and within me right? But when my work problem just continues without getting better it gets depressing. Then I think to myself oh stop feeling sorry for yourself, get out of this self-pity, be thankful and grateful and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I need to find the solution and it lies in what you ask…can I find work I love or again love the work I have now?
      I’m so glad that you had a moment of inspiration and decided to give it a go again…my wish is that you can do this and that you can access your subjects!! I say my prayers every night and when I do I am going to not only thank God for sending me you and your wife but to bless you with ability and access! Thank you and please thank your wife. You have no idea how much comfort you have sent my way. xo

      Liked by 1 person

  6. deb!
    I shall read it repeatedly and comment as I am to divert my attention, as the issue is delicate and to be thought over.
    To be commented with no Passion.
    Is that right?
    Love to You,
    Shiva
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am in the same boat. I have a lot of passion for my job, but even then, I feel like I am not as dedicated as I used to be. But take your time with finding a passion and don’t worry about what other people are doing. Just focus on making yourself happy and these OUR DAILY GRATEFUL posts. They are wonderful. Maybe you need to spend time in your community doing something positive.

    Also, I am glad you posted this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Perhaps it’s because you are overworked too. Thank you Xara, you have a great idea there. I recently started helping an elderly couple balance their check book, I’ll look to see if there’s more I can do in the community as that does make me feel good. Also, thank you, it truly means the world to me that you feel that way about my Daily Posts. I hesitated to write the blog, I didn’t want to sound like a whiner and I’m always talking about being positive but I thought it was important and it felt good to write. xo

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, sweetie. I am always happy to help. I am a person who vents, too. It is good to balance positive with negative.

      Liked by 1 person

    • You’re right! I like that thought…it is!!! 🙂

      Like

  8. This really hits home on two different levels. First of all, as your former co-worker, I think I understand the best that everything you say about the job is SO true! The only short term solution is to start to say “No” to some of these people who just keep taking and taking and taking …. without very little acknowledgement of your efforts. Of course, that’s easy for me to say since I got sick of arguing and just left, ha ha. But before I left, you were always across the hall giving me support and that’s what kept me sane for so long. I frequently say a prayer that you will get out of there and find a job that brings you happiness and makes you feel appreciated.
    The second level is your question about being passionate. When I retired, it was a big adjustment because so much of our identity is tied to our occupation after doing the same thing for so many years. People kept saying “What are you going to do now?” After two years, I sometimes wonder if there’s something wrong with me because I don’t have a real passion. I’m not an expert at anything and I sometimes wonder what people will remember me for when I’m not here. But I am doing a lot of different small things that make me happy and content. I would hope that people think I am an optimistic person who likes to make other people happy (especially my family) and who appreciates the good life that God has given me.
    Don’t stop blogging or your daily posts — they always make me smile!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ll respond as soon as I can start to see thru my tears!! Thank you for the prayers and keep em coming, the more people that pray about it the better. It’s true how you can understand me and where I’m coming from, having experienced it yourself. It’s summer time and I’m busy as hell…I am already so anxious about this fall, especially with Lynn leaving. I have to do something, I have to believe that God is directing my path and I have to remain open and receptive to whatever He sends my way!
      As for you, you’re an expert at needlepoint, a terrific party thrower, and a wonderful cook!! But more than that…you are the most thoughtful, considerate, generous, compassionate, caring, loving, friend anyone could ever be so lucky to have. You always think of me, your gifts are always so “thought”ful…you go that extra mile, you remember things that people like, you always reach out to me to see how I am. You’ve been an incredible mother, wife, grandmother, aunt…people will remember you for being optimistic, that you did make them happy and that you appreciated the good life with good friends and family! Your passion is your family and I can think of nothing finer or more rewarding than that!
      It makes me smile to know that my blogs and daily posts make you smile!! 🙂
      Thank you so much for all you have said, I shall treasure you and your words always. I love you!! xoxo

      Like

  9. Hmm, self help books can be…helpful…but they can also have the opposite effect if taken too literally and we are left with feeling inadequate, as you have found. My advice to that would be to stick with one book which resonated with you and work through it rather than trying to incorporate too many ideas and finding it overwhelming and impossible to do.

    My tuppence worth is to suggest an urgent meeting with your boss and ask for either a redistribution of some of the many tasks you have said yes to or the hiring of someone else to help with the load. You sound valuable to the company and any sensible, caring employer is going to want to listen instead of losing you. I would also point out that in these circumstances, when your job is making you unwell, a six month notice is just adding far too much pressure to yourself. It’s a wall you can’t get over. Very few new employers will wait six months. I appreciate it feels like the right thing to do but none of us can sacrifice ourselves like that as an employee. As lovely as your employer might be they have taken advantage here…whether inadvertently or not. No job is worth your current emotional stress.

    As for not having a passion as such, well, you need thinking time for that and I would imagine that, even after you close the office door, your mind is still there even as you go to sleep. There is so much talk these days about making your passion your paid job but it isn’t an easy thing to accomplish. Of course those who write these books have managed it easily…they give lectures, have clients, get paid for it…but what about those whose skills don’t reach in the direction of providing a ‘service’ as such? Perhaps your community work is the key to your passion? If your workload decreased you may have more free time mentally and physically which could be used to help more people in your community with their finances, perhaps with the local citizens advice bureau (or the equivalent in the USA) and that will become your passion, giving you the purpose and satisfaction you crave? Alternatively, maybe this could be your paid employment once you have dipped your toe and find you like it? You have a good skill set, by the sound of it, and lots of experience…maybe a job with more personal interaction and appreciation for your efforts would increase your self worth and job satisfaction?

    I have written rather a lot, got in the flow there, sorry! The crux of the matter is when your job is making you unwell then it is time to either change your job or reaffirm your original contractual terms with your employer, sooner rather than later before it becomes a serious health issue.

    I hope some of that helps and that your day is a better one today!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have been there for 19 years, I am the comptroller – the financial person. Well that’s my main job, but being a small company I do many other jobs as well. Over the years as issues occur they are given to me as I will get the job done and so that’s convenient for them. We are a small company of 15 people and some have a limited skill set. Over the past few years we have two key people retire, one being my assistant. One position was not replaced but we did hire a new assistant for me. We also took on another sales rep with more business and the ordering of product fell on my shoulders and the customer service part on my assistant. Unfortunately my assistant has been out a significant amount of time with health issues. As each issue cleared we thought we were all set until another issued occurred. So while she is out the work falls back onto me. I did have that meeting with the owner a few months ago that I can’t go on, that I need help. My assistant has been out 50% of the time this year with these health issues which makes it difficult. I did place an ad for additional help and interviewed a couple of people, we did not receive a lot of qualified applicants, so we may go through an agency. So all of this takes time meanwhile I still need to get everything done and it’s exhausting. I think you make a great point regarding helping more people in the community. My mom is up here on vacation and she fell and fractured her femur. She’s in the hospital right now but is being released tomorrow and will be staying with me until she heals. She lives 2200 miles away from me not nearby. I need some special medical equipment for her in the house, commode, shower chair, wheelchair and a friend of mine told the the council on aging lends all of the equipment for free. She also told me that the churches deliver meals on the weekends in case I wanted them to deliver one so that I wouldn’t have to worry about what to make for a day and take of my mom instead. I did not know about any of this and thought to myself, I want to get involved in this, as I was so grateful to be able to the equipment I needed for free. So once she is healed and home I want to check into helping them to show my appreciation…so perhaps that is where my community involvement will happen and derive my satisfaction from that. As far as the self-help books I think I may have gone overboard on them. I started with one which lead to another and another all the while I would practice what they preached. I would have good results but then let downs, as we do in life but I found myself feeling discouraged because I couldn’t be “happy in the moment” and find “my joy from within” because I have to spend 8 hours at a place where I’m so unhappy. And yes I would attack everyday with a fresh outlook “today’s going to be a great day” and then it wouldn’t be. And now we just had another employee who has informed us that she is retiring at the end of July. You see we all have worked there for 15, 20 and 25 years and we are reaching retirement age…I’m just not reaching it soon enough. They do plan to replace her but it’s another new person who must learn and until then…
      I really appreciate the time you took and the advice you gave and it has helped…I have a lot to think about. I have looked at the job ads too, but haven’t had a lot time to invest in it and I’ve started putting my resume together. Guess I got rather lengthy in my response too!! Thank you and I wish you a wonderful day! xo

      Liked by 1 person

Thoughts? Please share...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s